01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal!


i hope to get a new lj soon.






not many people are on here anymore.






i still read all you's guys's entries though.






a feast of friends, alive she cries,


waitin' for me, OUT, SIIIIIIIDE -

i think i'm tired of cushioning myself and others by avoiding awkward situations/conversations.
i was just thinking about that.


i feel like i'll change a lot this summer.
i feel like i'm changing now, a lot. my priorities are shifting.
i feel like this summer i'm going to grow more as a person, or at least i am to.
i fear this will distance me even more from my peers.
i'm worried i'm going to get lost in a vague sea of ennui like i see happen to so many people.
but then i think, i'm a different person. i'm too restless to sit around and let things happen to me.
i have a few ideas of what i want at least. i hope summer bores me to the point of action and reorganization of my life and mind. school gives me too much of an excuse for distraction, i'm bad at doing many things at one time. or at least doing them well and caring about them.
if i'm going to do something i like to put my all into that thing and set other things aside.








i've got my license. that is nice.
i've also got a terrible pseudomechanic that refuses to work on my car. it's been over a month.




















i plan on a new lj soon, to fit my new person.
i never like to update this thing because i feel it is no longer me.
i might be very selective about who i add, because since noone really uses lj to communicate and make each other's lives more interesting i think i'll make it more for me.

fuck facebook and myspace for ruining interesting and lively communication and replacing it with little bliplets and layouts that we desperately define ourselves by.






school will be fun tomorrow.








-

today was pretty fun, besides school.
i'm growing very weary towards school altogether and have developed an apathetic attitude towards the subjects and my so-called peers.
i can really feel the senioritis weighing heavily in the air, clouding thought, maligning the spirit with dreariness, disdain, and the doldrums. it sucks.

i left period 7 on senior contract and swung around the back of the school to try and catch john and ryan, running into sylvain bolting out the back door on my way.
they followed me to the front hoping to get a ride to vera's from phoebe, who was waiting and talking to collin.
unfortunately a teacher came up and grilled us about our presence, and we decided to all move along to avoid the presence of 'coach suss'.
phoebe drove ryan, john and i to dunky's to cash in on free iced coffee day, chilled for a bit, dropped them all off wherever.
got to phoebe's house where i received a text carrying the bad news that some apprently bitchy teacher caught them skipping and they all got pointed out. i really feel bad for them, since sylvain's already in hot water, eek.

picked up collin and went to china p for msg-laden foodstuffs, then went to collin's while phoebe drove her mum to the hospital to meet her meme.
josh and collin and i embarked upon a coffee adventure, planning to scour the area seeking the fruits of many free iced coffees.
we tried to find some disguises at wal-mart but to no avail. we found phag though, just as good, i hadn't seen him in a while and i liked his hair.
then just went and got some coffee.
then went and got more coffee, i got a black no sugar but i was sick of coffee at that point and didn't finish it.
then went sledding and carousing about and collin bragged of his abilities at designing his name upon the snow with that which god hath bestowed unto him.

went back to phoebe's and baked and hopped on a pogo stick and found cool clothes. collin will be looking sharp tomorrow in a red plaid button shirt, watch out ladies.
talked about identity, i thought of something i read of a while back and finally found it; it's called koan but with a line over the o. it's a really cool concept, one which is somewhat difficult to convey but if you're bored or curious mebbe give it a wiki shot.


so it's been a while since i've updated.
i haven't really felt any motivation to.
a lot of things have been lurking in and about my mind, not really in the mood to detail my thoughts but perhaps another time when i am less tired.
tomorrow i hope to go to the beach.
and friday i plan to LAZER TAG it up with some peoples.

i still read ljs and such even if i don't always comment.
i wish people would stop leaving lj, i think it's a much better social tool than myspace. myspaces are just self-contrived identities. and facebook, meh, useful for pictures and such but too public for my taste, and i fear it's becoming the next myspace but worse. i don't like feeling obligated to add people to my facebook because i'm forced to interact with them five days a week for the next several months.


i wonder if i should just turn this all into friends-only? it'd be kind of a bother since the new mass-privacy edit tool's only for paid customers.
i'm a bit uneasy regarding the future of livejournal as a website. i dunno what they're up to.



well sleeping -

saddam's dead.

to you all that are here in robert's mindspace tonight,








i wish you and your kin a very Happy christmas.




sweet dreams -

weekend was a baker's dozen of fun.

friday after school phoebe dropped us and geof down in smithfield at bill's. chiled, ate chips, then went with phoebe, bill, geof, nick and joe greene to see saw 3. movie was pretty ridiculous, though i wasn't too crazy fazed by it. i sorta have to see it again because i spent some of the time laughing, and i missed the beginning scene. and i didn't really pay attention as much as i should've.
we left the movie and met up with everyone, found out nick left the theater early.
poor nick.
slept over bill's, chilled with him and rob behind a wall.

saturday was spent sleeping, then carving pumpkins at nick's house. i carved a vampire with bats.
got our togas on and went to go to the party at rob's uncle's friend's mansion thing.
but we replanned and decided to chill with just us, being me, rob, bill, joe greene, cory, and rob's uncle. drank a few beers, ate chips, bbq pizza, stayed up all night.

sunday we left, grabbed some dunkin donuts, i hitched a ride from my mom, slept, worked, fucked around, slept.

today was fun.
school was easy. programming consisted of listening to Obscured By Clouds by pink floyd and playing slime volleyball with anthony. i iwned.
worked, ended up getting a southern accent from talking to southern people for 4 hours.
hung around, chilled, got curly fries and jalapeno poppers at douglas house of pizza.
and i TOTALLY HELPED OUT "Jimmy's Kid's" by buying a ton of awesome toys out of one of those 25 cent machines. i am now the owner of a slick snap bracelet and a fucking sweet ring.

tomorrow is halloween.
i have no plans, and no costume.
i might find something.
i would like to skip school wednesday and go to point judith and watch the sunrise, get some breakfast.

i gotta change my hours for work so i can balance it and drama club, which is gonna be a bitch.


hm.








ta -

i think it'll probably just be men with animals, not necessarily holding them. this decision was in fact precipitated by the discovery of this pic, because FDR is badass.



hanging out at phoebe's house.
drinking lemonade.
we went to shaw's and spent five minutes deciding which Ramen Cup of Soups we were going to buy with the four dollars we had. i got beef and roasted chicken, phoebe got regular chicken and lime with shrimp.



fun rhymes with sun -

i'm going to start a new lj thing, because i can.


s'called Notable Men with Animals. this here is Deputy Secretary Of State Robert Zoellick holding a baby panda. he's resigning though to join some investment house.


more to come throughout regular journal entries -

that is all -

i just came to a realization.

there are NO fucking Spike's Junkyard Dog places around here.
seriously, they have, without a doubt, the best hotdogs.
and i don't like hotdogs.

so, let's see.
saturday was steph's charity yard sale, i went over and 'helped', if your definition of help is sorta not do anything and get some free stuff :P
the yard sale went great though, she made about 800 dollars, which was matched by her dad's company, and all that was matched by another charity, so that's about 3200 right there.
then we went to the movies and saw Da Vinci Code, which i quite enjoyed. people said tom hanks wasn't really the right guy for the role, and maybe he isn't, but he's still my favorite actor.
*dreams soft dreams of tom hanks*

sunday, i don't think anything happened.

monday i chilled with steph, and later tris. steph and i went to this cool place in the woods, and then the cemetary nearby, and played Super Smash Bros later.


so, since i've been on a lax trend of updating, i basically forgot to update about my haircut.
i did in fact get a haircut and dye.



oh yeah.
lewl


and now, for pictures:

( click this, or i'll fucking find you )

so there's some pictures.

today was, besides school, a good day.
:)

out -

i dunno why i never really update this. i guess i don't have much of a life going on.

this week's been a little crazyish. basically haven't come straight home all week, with drama rehearsals and working on my segment for the school news show.
lack of sleep has made me hella weird, heh. i haven't been this tired in a longgg time, but i'm feeling better than yesterday.
the performance was wednesday, and it went off basically perfect, which is pretty funny cuz the same thing happens every time; we do awful in rehearsal, mrs. rodrigues makes us feel like shit, then we do great. so wtf.
worked on the editing for the news show alll week, took me forever. but it was cool, it came out basically fine, everyone loved it. i fucking love shuggy, the kid's hilarous.
today was last day for seniors, everyone was kinda boo-hooing. it's going to totally suck not having seniors around, most of the people i acutally got along with were seniors, and most everyone in my class sucks.
i'm kinda just sick of dealing with people in general. i'm sick of having to keep an act around everyone. most people are stubborn, stupid, and uninteresting anyways.
people in general just irk the fuck out of me, they're so illogical and emotional.
maybe i'm just fucked up.
i just wish everybody would stop complaining all the time. i try not to talk about my shit because everybody else has got shit they're dealing with, noone wants nor needs to hear my shit, y'know?
sorry if i'm being whiny, just in a blegh mood.



blegh.
so, senior year coming up.
gotta start choosing colleges and shit.
except i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life.
so, that kinda sucks.
i don't really think i want to be a neurologist, i might still want to do chemistry, but biology always kinda bored me, i know i shouldn't do something just because i'm pretty good at it.
i wouldn't want to make a career as a writer, because god knows how many poor, unpublished writers there are out there trying to make a living.
there's plenty of stuff i'd like to do, like films, acting, cartoons; i just can't think of something i'd want to do for a career.
i guess i'll just do stuff on the side, and if i can get money off of it i'll go into it deeper.

i got a random letter in the school about being in the national honor roll.
ladies and gentlemen, the world has come to an end, heh.


all in all, things aren't really that bad.
my mind's just muddled, i can't complain -

s'been a pretty long week.

monday was the Humanities Scholars collaborative, went pretty well. we did a video on the Day of Silence.
tuesday i studied for the AP us history exam, and chilled with phoebe, and totally bought green tea and combos and a fucking CHARLESTON CHEW.
wednesday, more whatever, i barely even remember this week, heh.
thursday we had drama rehearsal. i am so sick of mrs. rodrigues and her fucking crap, she makes a big deal out of everything, she's so melodramatic and fake. i really doubt i'm doing drama next year, i can't stand her, and her little nervous laugh shit thing.
study group for history was a lot of fun though, we were talking about seinfeld episodes, it was hilarious, i've never seen mr. mcgrath laugh that much, wicked funny.

today was the big exam.
i'm pretty sure i did fine on multiple choice. the dbq was pretty good but i took way too long, so i had to rush on the last two. i'm shooting for a 4, i probably didn't put enough on the free responses for a 5.
then i didn't get to eat lunch because i had no money.
and then i got to take a math test :D
it was ridiculous, i could barely think. but mr. mongiat said i could retake it if i did lousy, so that's cool.
then in spanish ms. cicero was bugging the shit out of me, because i was already exhausted and hungry and she was busting my ass because it was friday, which is the day of the week that we have to speak only spanish.
but now i am out, it is the weekend and a beautiful day, and i am about ready to pass out, heh.
hanging out with phag and phoebe later, should be a good time and such.
for now, i bid you all adieu -

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
( my results )


better update later -

so people are dying of starvation.
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/01/25/africa.famine/
and does anybody know about the humanitarian crisis in Northern Uganda? i think maybe a few do.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_in_Northern_Uganda
i'm not trying to make people feel bad, and i'm not playing any blame games here. i just want people to be more aware, just get you guys to think. you oughta read these articles, maybe read the news more.
just thought i'd help put stuff in perspective.
i dunno, it bugs me when people get too swept up in little details and miss the big pictures around them.
and jesus, if any of you think this is about you in particular, then you're all way more narcissistic than i thought.



please excuse me, i'm not in a very tolerant mood right now -

ijustmakestuffup: do you feel that reiterating everything i say provides for stimulating discourse?
SmarterChild: What would happen if I were to feel that reiterating everything you say provides for stimulating discourse?
ijustmakestuffup: you'd die
SmarterChild: I'm not going to die just because you say so.
ijustmakestuffup: what if i was a magician?!?!?!
SmarterChild: I do not know.



seven strings of bridges to heaven,
i hate the number seven,
somewhat purplish in my head.
i'm partial to 3 and 5, they're green and yellow,
awfully mellow fellows, though 7 times 5 is 35.
a vain conundrum, ushering in deep wonder,
mind is surely asunder, the innate psychoses of a synesthete with ocd.
it's pretty neat, and quite a treat,
to reap the treasures sent of a Resident whose precedence is absolute.
what color is He? i see an omniscient blue,
a subtle hue of rue for neverending trends of unholy civilization,
a patient Parent who yearns for bliss in ignorance.


call it finished, i could go on but i think i'm done.
run -

i see the argument for affirmative action, but really, i just don't think two wrongs make a right. wasn't the point of civil rights to make it so everyone was given the same opportunities? and now the ideal solution is to merely change the group of people who are discriminated against? i know i feel kinda bad that a man gets a scholarship on his heritage, and not based on his indiscriminate talents. i don't think anyone should be discriminated for or against based on something so trivial as skin; but rather they be disciminated based on skill, on effort, talent, intelligence, details of substance and importance. when you really think about it, it's pretty pathetic how worked up we can still be over the color of skin, or cultures different than ours. how little so many minds are.
also, i wish the meaning of the word discriminate didn't change to mean "hate specific people".
also, i'm so sick of fucking PC and government intervention. if you've ever seen penn & teller bullshit there's some great, common-sensical arguments about our basic rights. i hold firm the belief that people should be able to say what they want. this means if someone wants to talk about how they hate jews and faggots, fine, let them. just because i, and a lot of people, don't agree, doesn't mean we can oppress him and tell him what he's not allowed to say...funny how people try to take away the freedom of individuals because they feel the individual's belief is unfair to people's freedoms. wrap your head around that.

i can't stand being in highschool anymore. i don't think i could seriously endure one more year.


sleep -

if you guys haven't heard about the Abdul Rahman case, check this out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdul_Rahman_%28convert%29
seriously, it's ridiculous. he's being charged with apostasy, the crime of converting from his Islam beliefs to be a Christian. read the article, it's interesting.
when i read it i just thought about how easy it'd be for me to choose any religion i want. it's a shame how people take their freedoms for granted in this country.



i think schools force kids to be far too concerned about grades to actually care about learning. i swear, everyone is like, "take hard classes, get extracurricular, get good grades, that's what the colleges want." WHY IS EVERYONE SO FOCUSED ON COLLEGE. like that's the ultimate career end, you have to diversify yourself and go to this college, not that college, and do well and blah blah. it's as if life has become a fucking template you have to follow. i wish i could learn in an environment that encourages discussion and questioning, where the students can contribute to the direction of the class, instead of just doing 18 similar math problems and a quiz.

the kids in my grade, my 'peers', depress me. i don't even know how to describe them, they're just so typical, boring. i can't stand hick towns. i wish there were more intellectual-ish people in my classes so we could actually have engaging debates and such without people getting excited that i used a vocabulary word.

"Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson






fulfillment, and peace, are the only things we can really hope for -

ugh.
day started out shitty. four hours of sleep, no time for breakfast, had to sprint 50 yards for the bus.
managed to get some breakfast and throw my mind in high gear.
i was basically flying through the rest of the day, i haven't seen my brain function that well in a while, i did the harder of the two AP essays and i was answering all the math questions in my head while helping those around me who were two questions behind.
i hate feeling like an elitist just because i'm smart.
i guess some people get annoyed because i am: oh well, i didn't ask for it.
i didn't ask for everything to be easy, for it to be basically no effort to ace tests and write essays the night before and get praise for them, i didn't ask for it. it makes me feel bad that i can fly through all of this with no effort while others struggle for b pluses.
grades should be given on effort just as much as aptitude.




i got bored in tv productions and wrote a little poem.

breakfast, purported as vitally whole,
cereal in bowl,
coffee's gone cold.

lunch is such a confuzzled foe-meal,
not a big deal,
hardly it's real.

supper's a simple thing, hearty and square,
need tupperware,
leftovers in there.


i didn't put a lot of effort into the structuring so it's not rhythmically perfect or anything, but i thought it was kinda cute.


Californication is a good album, i'm really starting to dig '90s music more and more. listened to Nevermind by Nirvana a couple days ago, really good too.


this game here is addicting as crack. i managed to get to the second level once; tell me how you do.


i don't think this week will be too bad -

i gotta quit whining about my life problems. my shit would be far improved if i weren't such a chicken. sigh+ugh.
= sugh.
no, scratch that.


working outside the other day a nail stabbed through my shoe and cut my foot a bit. here's hoping i don't get tetanus, since i don't have medical for a shot, heh.


i love walking to the gas station down the road and buying a toasted turkey-ham-bacon-chicken-mozzarella-american-lettuce-onion-red vinaigrette sub on italian herb and cheese bread with the new arizona black tea drink.


i need a new copy of starcraft: brood war, i have no idea where my old one's at *frowny face*
this game rules, i just wish blizzard would actually make a freakin' sequel.


where the hell do you find girl scout cookies anyway? they don't sell them at stores do they? and why are they so famous? must be because it's the only thing they actually do that's useful *oh snap*


i think i'm gonna start working on something soon.
i'm probably gonna start doing some writing for a comic idea i thought up.
i just gotta stop slacking and get the stuff i need to get done done.


signing off -

i don't think i'm going to school tomorrow.
it's a half day anyway.


tortilla chips are tasty.


i gotta stop procrastinating on stuff.


i'm tired.




night -